Today on "Proof Stupid People Exist", we have 3, count em, 3 lucky guests! The first is a chainsaw coming all the way from Sweden. It bears the traditional warning label as do most chainsaws, but this particular chainsaw caters to the stupid! Read with me, aloud if you like. "Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals". As if someone actually would attempt to stop a running chainsaw with thier neither regions! Oh Ho thats hysterical! And Stupid! You know, there ARE alternate methods of stopping such a device. LIKE CUTTING THE FREAKIN POWER?!?!?! I mean, how did you turn it on in the first place? Just do that in reverse! Oy.
Our next guest is a girl who please ask that we keep her anonominity intact. So we'll call her "Jane". Jane is brilliant. The people who actually bought Jane's services are stupid. EBay is a wonderful tool for selling and buying things at any price from anyone without having to go thru the middle men of most major department stores. Jane put a very interesting object up for bid. Herself. Thats right, for the person with the winning bid, Jane would be your official girlfriend for a whole month! She would send you pictures, perfumed letters, objects proving you were going out with Jane, etc. This is so you could show your parents that you're not a COMPLETE loser! "Look ma! I got a girlfriend!" But wait, a question from the audience.....What happens after the week is up? Excellent question! For a small fee, the relationship would continue for as many months as you pay! I'm not sure if she would actually meet up with the buyer, I guess if they were close enough she would. But you know what Loser? If you're that hard up for a girlfriend that you're gonna buy her, you might as well spend the money on a hooker and get some decent action out of it. Jane made some excellent money out of this until EBay decided it was inappropriate. Duh?
Our final guest is another woman from the local mass transit system around here. She was in the subway waiting for a train when she lost control of her cell phone and dropped it onto the tracks. Now most people would consider it a lost cause, or at least get the transit authorities to fetch it for you. But no! This woman jumped right into the track pit to retrieve her precious cell phone, and retrieve it she did! Too bad she decided it was more precious than her life. Thats right. Sadly, she was not able to get back out of the track pit before a train came. Yup. Squish. I hate to call the recently and grusomely deceased stupid, but she went after a cell phone! There are better things in life than a cell phone! LIKE YOUR LIFE! Sheesh.
Well, thats our show! Be sure to tune in next time for more stupid people, and more proof of thier existence! (like we need it, but it's fun to point and laugh) Till Next Time!